my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize