so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
