you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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