True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
