Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
