Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
