You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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