I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
