Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
