the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
