So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
