I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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