Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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