I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
