hotel room ftw
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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