So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there's paper in my vomit.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
