party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I smell stomach acid.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I die, sorry about rent.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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