I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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