Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
