Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
