I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
then he tried to convert me to islam
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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