That's when you crack a 10am beer
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
