We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
