shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
