So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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