I think I am morally bankrupt
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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