Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
