It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
