New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
