If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I believe in your delicious
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
