god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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