Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
