I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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