I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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