That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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