every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize