im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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