who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
