I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
