Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
