Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
