Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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