Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
