Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize