I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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