Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
