I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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