ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
