he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
