There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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