3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
