dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
