If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
