We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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