He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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