My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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