I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
