He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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