I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
