he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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