I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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