I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
