I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
