youre lurking in front of me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
