OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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