Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
