I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's the barista slut.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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