She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
