I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
