Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize