Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
