it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
