I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
