You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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