what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So apparently I’m into choking now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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