We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
