hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
