its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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