is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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