She's the barista slut.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
