I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love accidental penises.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
