On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
