I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
