after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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