he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The Olympian is in my bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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