if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
