I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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