Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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