Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
