if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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