God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
