he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
