I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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