How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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