They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
