I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
