this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize