Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
