I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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