NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
