She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
