i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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