Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
