i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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