i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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