By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
