Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
