i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
