I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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