Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
