So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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