Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
