I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
