I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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