is your mom at the bar?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
