Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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