i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
