i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
