I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
